The Perfectionist's First Date With The Jinx
by SpongeGuy
Summary: Milo and Amanda have their first date, but will it work? With Melissa, Zack, Lydia, Cavendish, Dakota, Sara and Doof on the job... Well, maybe? Part of "The Milanda AU". Dedicated to ArendAlphaEagle.


"I get there and compliment her looks, but not in a creepy way, because that would be creepy..."

"Milo."

"I give her the flowers... No, that's too cliche. Or is it?"

"Milo!"

"Anyway, I better put some deoderant and dress up. But not too much. Or a lot? Or... Or... Or..."

"MILO!"

Milo snapped out of his daze and realized that Melissa and Zack were both speaking to him.

Well, trying to speak to him.

"Oh. I didn't hear you guys. Sorry.", Milo apologized, a sheepish smile on his face.

Melissa shook her head lovingly and side hugged him.

"Look at my Milo. All grown up and going out on a date."

Milo laughed. "It's not such a big deal."

Zack piped in. "Not a big deal? It's your first date ever! I'd say that's pretty big!"

Melissa elbowed Zack in the stomach.

"It's not a big deal, Zack. It's going to be great, Milo."

Zack stared at Melissa annoyed.

"I had to!", she whispers. "And serves you right for making him nervous!"

Milo turned to his friends.

"I guess you're right. It's just... I want to get this right, you know? A first date... With Amanda... This is all new to me. What if she doesn't enjoy herself? Or what if she doesn't find me interesting? What if I... Fail?"

He didn't like that possibility.

"I want her to be happy. I can't fail."

Melissa put her hand on his shoulder.

"You won't.", she said confidently, a defiant statement to Murphy's Law and fate itself.

Zack nodded in agreement, trying to be supportive.

Milo smiled back at them. How lucky could he get to have such wonderful friends!

"Ok. You're right. It won't. If I can face Llamas, Pistachions and vaguely irritating business men, I can handle a first date."

"That's the spirit!", Melissa said.

Milo waved goodbye, and, with one last breath, went back home to get ready for his date.

Saying that kind of made him giddy.

Milo Murphy, on a date.

If lonely 6 year old Milo could see him now.

Well, you don't always get things right the first time, but Milo was determined to do just that.

He would get this date right, no matter what.

And with that thought, he ran home, ready to do whatever it takes to make this date work!

Meanwhile, Melissa turned to Zack.

"Ok, we're going over there now and when they come, we make sure nothing goes wrong."

Zack was surprised at this suggestion.

"Wait, what?"

"We're going over there now and when they come, we make sure nothing goes wrong. What was so hard to understand?", Melissa said, her hands on her hips.

"I heard you the first time. My ears are working, you know."

A doctor left the bushes.

"Well, I better look for a different patient! I thought we had something special! I was sure you were the one...", he said, and began to sob heavily, his soul an emotional hurricane as he ran off.

Zack extended his hand and tried to grab his attention.

"It's... It's not like that! I just think I need to try different clinics before I make a choice! Doc! Wait!", Zack shouted in desperation, but it was no use.

He fell onto his knees.

"YOU'RE TEARING ME APART, DOC!", He screamed.

Beat.

"What was that about?", Melissa asked, genuinley confused.

Zack got back up from his knees and brushed the dust off of his trousers.

"Doesn't matter. Anyway, I don't think this is a good idea."

Melissa smirked. "Are you chicken?"

"He's clearly not!", a chicken farmer said, embarrassed his product was being associated with someone like Zack.

"Hurtful!", Zack said to Wiki Guy.

"But I'm not chicken! I just think it's better to leave their date to fate.", Zack stated.

Melissa crossed her arms.

"You mean to let Murphy's Law ruin Milo's chance at love? Nu uh. I don't think so."

She held Zack by the sides.

"Ok, look. I faced Murphy's Law head on and failed. I have seen it in action for 7 years. And I have seen 0 people show romantic interest in Milo. Amanda is the first one! The only one! What if Milo has to wait forever for the next one? How will he feel? I can't let that happen, Zack! I can't let Milo get hurt!"

She released Zack, and looked at him with a pleading face, the face of a girl who has had enough of seeing her best friend suffer.

"I won't let him get hurt. Zack... Please... Help him."

Zack nodded and hugged Melissa.

"I promise. For Milo."

Melissa nodded as she shed a single tear that dropped from her cheek.

"For Milo.", she said, prepared to do whatever it takes to make him happy.

* * *

"So, I have chosen something not too flashy, but not too ordinary so that it will feel special... Though the chocolates may be a bit much... Oh no! They're a bit much, aren't they?"

"Amanda."

"And I got this perfume, but I didn't want to overdo it, so I got my Mami's perfume, but it might be too cheep? Oh, this is so confusing!"

"Amanda!"

"What should my breathing pattern be like? Rapid and excited? Calm and cool? No breathing! No breathing! If I breath, he'll think I'm more focused on breathing than on him!"

Amanda started hyperventilating, since she was so confused.

Lydia grabbed Amanda and turned on a megaphone.

"AMANDA!"

Amanda shook from her stupor and realized that Lydia was trying to talk to her.

Though, it being Lydia, that was a constant thing. Amanda could be forgiven for ignoring her sometimes.

Lydia suddenly went to Wiki Guy and pouted. Why was he being mean?

Wiki Guy couldn't help but feel bad, so he took back the last statement:

Even if Lydia spoke a lot, it didn't make what she said any less important.

"Better?", Wiki Guy asked.

"Better!", Lydia said, and she went back to the story.

"I'm sorry, Lydia. I'm just really freaking out about this date!"

Lydia chuckled. "I know, Amanda. The whole block knows! Well, maybe not the whole block. Just a few houses. I wonder which ones! I wonder what secrets they hold? What terrible truths hide under those suburban roofs?", Lydia rambled.

She turned on a torch, and with her best Tom Waits impression, said "What's he building in there?"

Amanda let out a tiny laugh and loosened up a bit.

"You always know how to cheer me up, Lydia.", she said, feeling a bit better.

Lydia smiled proudly. "Anything for you, Amanda!"

Amanda stood up and looked at her reflection.

Was she pretty enough? Was she nice enough? Was she... Enough? Enough for someone like Milo?

Lydia put a comforting hand on Amanda's shoulder.

"Hey, girl, you got this!"

Amanda wasn't so sure.

"I want to make him happy. As happy as he makes me. I want to be the light in the end of his tunnel. But... Can I possibly be interesting enough for Milo?", she asked, really doubting her own ability.

Lydia took Amanda by her sides.

"You're Amanda Lopez! You're one of the most interesting people in the world! And he asked you out! So he's clearly interested! Just relax, and go out there and give him the best night ever!"

Amanda smiled. She could do it.

She would do it.

She and Milo would have the best date ever.

Whatever it takes.

She hugged Lydia, and ran off, ready and willing to have an amazing night.

The best night.

Lydia watched proudly as her friend walked off to her date with destiny.

Well, her date with Milo. You can't date destiny.

'Cause I am. Say hi, babe!

"Hi!", Destiny, my gf said.

(Author's Note: Wiki Guy has no GF)

Sorry, where was I?

Ah, yes.

Well, Lydia watched her friend leave.

Then, she put on a fake moustache and an apron, and clicked her pen open.

She was Marcel The Romantic Waiter.

"It will be the best date ever, my friend! Because I, Marcel, The Romantic Waiter, will make sure it is! FOR AMANDA!", she cried and she ran off to the restaurant, ready to do whatever it takes to help her friend have the best date ever.

* * *

Early evening.

The moon shines brightly, it's loving vigil over planet earth emitting a calming, soothing atmosphere all over Chez Chaz, and it's outside dining area, where couples of all kinds sit together to enjoy the food, the sky, and of course, each other.

Sadly, this calming atmosphere is absent from Milo and Amanda's hearts, as they meet in the entrance of their destiny.

A French restaurant owned by Chaz, apparently.

The two enamored adolescents gaze at each other nervously and awkwardly.

Who should talk first?

Milo coughs.

Amanda twiddles her thumbs, wanting to say everything but finding her mouth out of function.

After what feels like forever (but in fact, was only 27 seconds), both try to talk at the same time.

"He…", starts Milo.

"Hi, M…", starts Amanda.

The two laugh embarrassedly.

Milo, slightly panicking, tries to think of something, anything to say!

Finally, he finds it!

"Nice weather we're having?", Milo said and immediately cringed at himself for this dumb start.

Crickets chirped.

"Pierre, what did I tell you about letting your crickets out next to new couples?", Louis complained to his employee.

"Fine!", Pierre rolled his eyes and withdrew them.

"I know it was awkward and you know it was awkward, right?", he asked his crickets.

"Totes!", the crickets said, sounding like Leni Loud from "The Loud House".

Milo and Amanda finally decided to sit down.

It was still painfully awkward.

Now, don't get me wrong: It wasn't that the two never talked, or hung out, or something!

As a matter of fact, they had hung out countless times!

But, in a different place, in a very different situation, one that they had been fed to by media and imagery over the years, had made them tense and nervous.

After all, when one is on their first date, what does one really know about dating?

What romantic method should one use?

What even were their views of romance?

And how could they possibly make each other happy?

Milo and Amanda weren't sure.

And they sure as heck weren't asking each other!

So, the two kept sitting there, utterly lost and confused in this mysterious new world: Dating.

Finally, Amanda cleared her throat.

Milo got his hopes up: Maybe Amanda could save the day!

"…Nice weather we're having?", Amanda asked sheepishly.

The two sighed.

This was going to be a long night.

Meanwhile, hiding behind a bush, Melissa and Zack were overlooking the "romance".

"Oh god, she just asked him about the weather now!", Zack exclaimed in shock.

He turned to the determined red head, who had her carefully trained eyes and sharp, keen mind set on the date.

"You were totally right, Melissa!", Zack confessed.

"When will you learn that's always true?", Melissa said with faux ego.

"Now, let's focus: This date is off to a terrible start. Both of them are totally stiff!"

Cut to Milo and Amanda being totally stiff like cardboard.

"We're gonna need to save this immediately! Here's my plan: You sneak over there, and loudly mention a topic both like. That will get them to small talk."

"Small talk?", Zack asked, confused.

"Uh, yeah! Once they small talk, they'll get comfortable again, and act like friends, and not all romantic like!", Melissa explained her plan, wondering what Zack didn't get.

"They're supposed to be romantic! It's a date!", Zack said, thinking that Melissa had totally missed the point.

"No they're not!", Melissa said, knowing that Zack had totally missed the point. "A date isn't about silly pet names and sweet nothings! It's about the real, passionate friendship between them! Dating is basically being friends with benefits!", Melissa stated.

Zack was still astounded.

"Where did you get this from? It's not like you've ever dated!"

Melissa rolled her eyes.

"Oh, please! Dr. D showed me some alternate universes, and in one of them, I was basically dating Milo! And we acted like we always did, give or take a few smooches."

Zack took a moment to comprehend this bit of information.

"What about me?"

"You had some identity crisis or whatever. And Kris, Lydia, Jim, and some girl named Stacy were oddly important."

"Sounds weird."

"Yeah, well, it's The Milo Murphy's Law Wiki Guy, what were you expecting?"

"Anyway", Melissa brought us back to the subject, "Dating is about friendship."

"No it's not! Dating is about romance! About passion! About love songs!", Zack stated.

"Don't even think about going up there and belting some 1980's cheesy ballads!", Melissa warned.

"I'LL BELT ALL THE CHESSY BALLADS IF IT MEANT MILO WAS HAPPY!", Zack shouted.

"Oh, yeah? Well, I would die for him."

Zack sulked.

"You always pull that one out. I would die for him too, but then it's just a tie."

"I know you would."

Melissa sighed.

"Look, this is stupid. They're still saying nothing! They haven't even ordered! And I think Amanda ate her menu out of stress!"

Amanda noted that her menu could use more salt.

Melissa took a breath.

"Ok, I'm sorry for all that. Even if we disagree, he needs our help! So, let's try to compromise: Go out there and get them to small talk, and then, if we conclude that it's not working, we'll go over to your plan.", Melissa offered.

"I think we can't."

"What? Why?", Melissa asked, annoyed.

"Because Lydia is out there dressed like a French waiter.", Zack pointed at Lydia.

Melissa turned around in disbelief.

What was she gonna do now?

Lydia…

Sorry, Marcel The Romantic Waiter, was trying to set the mood.

"Bonjour, two lovebirds of passion! My name is "Marcel", and I will be your romantic guide and loveable waiter this evening! You guys are so kawaii desu! (Whispered) Darn, I'm supposed to be French! (Unwhispered) My motivation: The happiness of two young soulmates who remind me of me and my deceased wife, Mary Anne, who was taken by the stormy sea just 7 years ago. I still cry every night, but maybe, just maybe, if I get you two together, my pain will heal. TONIGHT WILL BE THE BEST NIGHT OF YOUR YOUNG LIVES!", "Marcel" greeted as he approached.

Amanda and Milo looked at "him" in confusion. What was his deal?

"What would you like to order? Soft touches? Magic? Romance?", "he" asked, wriggling "his" eyebrows violently.

Milo looked at the menu.

"I don't think those things are on the menu…", Milo joked, which made Amanda giggle for a second.

Milo smiled. Finally! A breakthrough!

"I guess they must have made a typo! Serves them right for using comic sans!", Amanda joked, which Milo didn't really understand, but the absolute adorableness of her dorky delivery gave him a huge smile.

The two smiled at each other. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad…

"Marcel" suddenly interrupted.

"I'LL GET YOU SOME MILKSHAKES!", "He" offered.

"One drink, two straws, of course! There is nothing more romantic than sharing sugary milk through stripy valves!", "Marcel" stated.

"Dessert? But we haven't even had…", Amanda started, but "Marcel" had already run off to deliver the order.

"This is terrible!", Melissa objected, annoyed at this sudden interruption.

"Yeah! Comic sans? Really?", Zack said, utterly missing the point.

"Yeah, I agree, the font of the menu is the reason my heart aches OF COURSE NOT! Lydia is going to make things worse!", Melissa said, and she and Zack snuck over to her.

"Hey, Waiter?", Melissa asked.

"Oh, hello! I am "Marcel", the romantic waiter! How may I help you?", "Marcel" asked.

"Oh, I just wanted to order your presence in this nearby bush.", Melissa asked.

"Why?", "Marcel" asked.

"Because if you don't, you'll join your wife!", Melissa shouted.

Beat.

"I'm sorry, that was really violent, I'm just worried for Milo."

She then led "Marcel" to the bush, where "he" suddenly transformed into Lydia!

Movie magic!

"Lydia, what the heck are you doing here?", Melissa asked.

"Yeah, and what's with the getup?", Zack asked.

"I'm an actor! And pretty hypocritical coming from a Lumberzack! Love your work, by the way!", Lydia said.

Zack collapsed.

"That's never going away, huh?"

Melissa talked to Lydia.

"We're trying to help Milo. What are you trying to do?"

Lydia turned serious.

"I'm trying to help Amanda! She's been a nervous wreck… Well, more than usual. And as her best friend, it's my job to help her through this hurdle!"

"And you're doing a "great" job! Now let the professionals handle this!", a voice said from another bush.

Melissa face palmed.

Cavendish and Dakota exited their bush and went over to Melissa, Zack, and Lydia.

"You guys too?", Melissa asked in disbelief.

"Uh, duh! Milo needs his Dadkota and Dadvendish's help!", Dakota stated.

"It's his first date, you know!", Cavendish said proudly.

"Wow, I had no idea!", Melissa said sarcastically.

"Really?", Dakota said surprised.

Melissa face palmed again.

"I like your costumes!", Lydia complimented.

"Why thank you!", Cavendish said, touched.

"Are you supposed to be from the 1970s and 1870s?", she asked.

"You know, two friends of ours came to the exact same conclusion!", Cavendish said.

"Ooh, appetizers! I'm having some!", Dakota said, and started to get up.

"Everyone focus!", Melissa called for attention.

Lydia, Zack, Cavendish and Dakota focused on Melissa.

"Is there anyone else here who wants to help Milo?", Melissa asked, waiting for the obvious joke.

Doof and Sara came out from a third bush.

"Yeah… We want Milo to be happy too.", they said together at the same time.

Melissa calmed herself down.

"Ok, guys, look! We all want to help Milo and Amanda! Let's just work together!"

Milo and Amanda continued staring at each other uneasily.

They both fainted.

"And fast.", Melissa said.

Soon, a plan was concocted:

Lydia as "Marcel" would come back and try to do her thing, but a little less… Spontniously.

Cavendish and Dakota would sit in a nearby table as "patrons" and loudly offer advice without being too obvious about it.

Doof and Sara would be in the kitchen as "cooks" and make sure that Murphy's Law didn't delay the orders.

And Melissa and Zack would coordinate from behind their bush.

Then, all 7 would combine their conflicting views of romance to help Milo and Amanda.

What could possibly go wrong?

"Ok, move out!", Melissa ordered, and everyone took their stations.

Doof and Sara entered the kitchen, dressed as chefs.

"Ok, step it up, step it up!", Sara clapped her hands and ordered.

"We've got two cute kids to help with their romantic life!", Doof added, and he took out a duck call.

"Not a bad idea, but why a duck call?", Sara asked.

"Shoot! I was going to get a whistle! Well, I'm sure nothing bad happened!", Doof said.

Meanwhile…

"MURPHY!", Elliot screamed as the ducks lowered him onto a fire.

Cavendish and Dakota sat down in a nearby table.

"How nice of you to take me out tonight, Dakota!", Cavendish said loudly.

"I can't wait to talk for hours and hours on end on things that interest us!", Dakota added loudly.

"Hours and hours? They can't stay out past their bedtime, Dakota!", Cavendish added in a paternal way.

"Whoops, my bad! Hours and hours on end 'till our curfew! Sleep is as important as our raging hormones!", Dakota shouted.

Meanwhile, Milo and Amanda were still stiff. But Milo was tired of it.

"She's going to be disappointed, all because of me! I've got to do something!", he thought, and he desperately searched for a topic of interest.

Suddenly, it came to him:

"We almost always talk about my escapades. But Amanda's always up to something interesting! I'd love to hear about that, and I'm sure she'd love to talk about it!"

He cleared his throat.

"Shh!", went Cavendish. "I'm trying to read this menu!"

"He was about to talk to her!", Dakota argued.

"That doesn't excuse poor manners. I raised a polite Milo, not some barbarian!", Cavendish said.

"You didn't raise him.", Dakota interjected.

"I CAN DREAM, CAN'T IT?!", Cavendish suddenly shouted.

"Shh!", said the other patrons.

"Balderdash…", Cavendish muttered.

Milo went back to Amanda.

"Um, Amanda?"

Amanda was so startled by Milo speaking that she fell off her chair.

"Are you ok? Probably Murphy's Law, so sorry…", Milo apologized, and he fell on Amanda.

Amanda just laughed.

"It's ok, Milo. That's my bad."

She pushed him off, which made him laugh.

"You're stronger than you look.", Milo said.

Amanda giggled.

"And you're cuter than you seem.", Amanda replied.

Milo blushed.

They got up and sat down again.

"Ugh, still too flirty for my taste.", Melissa said.

"Oh come on! If anything, it's not flirty enough! Lydia, come on! Work your magic!", Zack said.

"I'm sorry, who is that? I've never heard of this "Lydia" you speak of. Sounds pretty cool, though."

Zack face palmed.

"Fine! "Marcel", work your magic!"

"Much better!"

Milo leaned his head on his hand and slipped and fell on the table.

Amanda giggled again.

"Um… I wanted to ask you what you were up to this week."

Amanda looked surprised.

"You want to know what I did? You're the one with all the amazing adventures!", Amanda said.

"Nah, it was a slow week. Besides, you're very interesting in my eyes…", Milo said, a little flirtatiously.

Amanda giggled once more, and blushing, began to tell him.

"Well, I was planning my first babysitting gig, and I was organizing my baby caring bag with help from my new binder! It's a new model, and it. Is. GLORIOUS! That new binder smell…", Amanda said, and sighed from pleasure. It was such a good binder!

Milo couldn't help but smile. Amanda geeking out over binders never failed to put a smile on his face. It endeared her even more to him.

The date seemed to be going well. But then, "Marcel" came in.

"Sorry it took so long, but your romantic drink is here!", "Marcel" said, and "he" took out the milkshake.

"He" put two straws in and bowed graciously while walking backwards.

"I'll be back very soon! You'll see why!", "he" said.

"What a weirdo!", Amanda complained, annoyed by "his" incessant interruptions.

"Oh, he's just trying to help!", Milo said cheerfully, and he started to drink the milkshake.

"Well, at least I can have something as sweet as you!", Amanda said, causing Milo to blush.

They began to drink.

"So, where were you?", Milo asked.

"Oh, right! Well, I was preparing my bag, when…"

Suddenly, she noticed that Milo had a milk moustache.

She laughed.

"What's so funny?", Milo asked.

"Nothing, it's just puberty hit."

Milo felt his upper lip, and laughed.

"Well, at least I can pay taxes now!", Milo joked, which made Amanda snort.

"Gee, how did she make those cute?", Milo thought.

But once again, the fun didn't last. "Marcel" ran in with a whole symphony and a dance party.

"Uh, what the heck, Zack?", Melissa asked in annoyance, throwing her arms out in frustration.

"Lydia… "Marcel" and I both agreed that this was the right course of action.", Zack said.

"Well, it better be.", Melissa said, her arms crossed as she sat down to watch.

Milo and Amanda were dragged by "Marcel" into the dance floor.

"Um… We didn't really come to dance…", Amanda said, and Milo just shrugged, really confused.

"Amanda, Milo, people I don't know…", began "Marcel", a microphone in "his" hand.

"It's time for some romantic dancing for all of the swinging couples here!", "Marcel" announced.

Two women who were swinging wildly around and around tried to understand what happened, but it was too late.

"Great… Now ease them in gently… Get a slow song on…", Zack said.

"WITH A BOUNCY LOVE SONG!", "Marcel" shouted, and  
"he" pumped "Never Gonna Give You Up" up to 11.

"Ooops!", "Marcel" said, and put "I'm A Believer"

"What? No!", Zack complained.

Milo and Amanda shrugged, and started to awkwardly dance.

They had danced before, of course, but being forced to do it in front of everyone was…

Extremely awkward.

"Should we stop?", Amanda asked.

"If you want to, sure!", Milo said, but suddenly, Cavendish and Dakota burned the dance floor with their disco moves.

"Milo, Amanda!", Cavendish said as Dakota swung him below his legs, and then juggled him over his head.

"You've got to show more passion! You're gawking at each other like some socially awkward zombies! What's the point if you don't talk to each other?"

Milo and Amanda looked at each other and agreed. It would be better to just go back to the table and try again.

The dance party left, and "Marcel" stood dejected.

"I can't believe you did this!", Zack complained. "Give me the mic, I'll sing a slow love ballad."

"I failed… What do I do now?", Lydia thought.

She looked at the customers and at Milo and Amanda.

"Maybe I can help by being the best waiter ever! "Marcel" may not help their romance, but "he", that is, I! Will help with the meal!", "he" announced, and "he" ran off to the kitchen.

Milo and Amanda were back in their table, and things were finally getting out of awkward again.

"So… You want to play a game?", Amanda suggested.

"What kind of game?", Milo asked cheerfully.

"Well, it goes like this: We could look at the people around us and guess their life stories!", Amanda offered.

"Sounds fun!", Milo said, and they began.

Amanda spotted Larry, the astronaut from "The Note".

"H'mm… You see that guy?", she said, pointing at Larry.

"I'm listening…", Milo said.

"He's a psychotic, murderous villain named Dr. Victor Fisk! He came from the future to murder the creator of time travel, after a life of abuse and depression! He is a being of pure physical strength, he has many gadgets like a hologram device and a camera that takes photographs that record information, and he even has a jet pack!", Amanda described.

"Sounds like an interesting fanfiction!", Milo said.

"Eh, probably not too great, but I like it!", Amanda said, with a hint of pride. She was really getting better at loosening up thanks to Milo.

"Ok, my turn!", Milo said, and he looked around and spotted Ms. Whipley from "Battle Of The Bands".

"H'mm… You see that woman over there? That's Chelsea, a mother of two, both of whom she adopted. She has a mysterious air about her, one that suggests that she has a secret or two to hide. She seems to want what's best for her children, but her motives may be more sinister than you think! And she's fought a hologram of a pirate once!", Milo pitched.

"That sounds really interesting!", Amanda said, impressed.

"Thanks!", Milo said.

"Finally! Now this is romance!", Melissa said, appreciatively, happy to see Milo happy, but also happy that Milo was doing it the right way. Now he'd get Amanda no matter what!

Unfortunately, things were about to get out of control…

Amanda was about to tell Milo about the Mower siblings, when…

"Hey, hey, HEY, Chez Chaz! How's it going!", Zack asked through the mic.

Melissa face palmed.

"Marcel", who was making sure the orders were moving fast, nearly fell down from surprise.

"Have Milo and Amanda even ordered yet? We can only stay here for so long!", Sara asked.

"They have not yet ordered, but do not worry! I, Marcel, the best waiter in the world, will make sure Amanda and Milo are happy!", "Marcel" vowed, really wanting to help "his" friends.

"He" raced off to ask them.

Suddenly, all the chefs (excepting Sara and Doof) saw Zack.

"OHMAGOD! IT'S ZACK FROM THE LUMBERZACKS!", The chefs screamed and ran off to see him.

The kitchen was deserted, leaving Sara and Doof to do the work.

"Do you know how to cook?", Sara asked.

"Not a clue. You?", Doof asked.

"Nada."

Beat.

Sara starts smashing her head on a wall repeatedly.

"Maybe if I knock my head off, I'll wake up!", Sara said.

Doof stopped her.

"Sara, don't knock your head off! It's not the end of the world! Trust me. If it was, alternate versions of you would be invading and ruining everything just because they had a problem with their choo choo."

Sara paused to take this information.

"I'm not sure what you said, but it sounds really interesting."

"Story for another time. Let's just focus! We've gotta do this for Milo and Amanda!", Doof said determinedly as he went over to the pots and pans.

"But we don't know how to do this!", Sara said, concerned that she'll ruin her little brother's first date.

"Ha! That has never stopped me from doing… Well, anything, really!", Doof said, and he took out a pan that had a mouse trap in it.

"Ow, my nose! Who leaves mouse traps in pans?!"

Suddenly, a gigantic mouse appeared from a previously unseen gigantic hole and stole the soup.

A chef ran back in.

"KEVIN THE MOUSE!", he screamed and shook his fists at the heavens.

Beat.

"Let's just get on with it.", Sara said, and she and Doof got to work.

"Marcel" had come to collect Milo and Amanda's order, while Zack was flooded by Lumberzack fans.

"Give us an autograph, Zack!", one chef shouted.

"Sing us a song, Zack!", another yelled excitedly.

"I'm trying! You won't leave me alone!", Zack said in a panic.

"Zack! Is it true that your new band Just Getting Started is just a pale imitation of The LumberZacks?"

Zack got furious.

"What?! It's the LumberMaxes who are the pale imitation! "Just Getting Started" is a whole new experience!", he explained, enraged that The LumberMaxes were still getting in the way of his hard earned fans.

"Zack: Is it true that you feel like a total nobody, and wish you were more like your friends Milo Murphy and Melissa Chase?"

Zack paused.

"Well, yeah, but it's not important in this AU. This is a Milanda AU, remember?"

The chef took his question back, and looked around for a portal to the TMMLWG AU.

"What would you like to have this fine evening?", "Marcel" asked.

"Some privacy. I'm not really hungry.", Amanda said with more than a hint of annoyance.

"Me neither.", Milo replied politely.

"Then why did you come to Chez Chaz, the finest restaurant in the world?", "Marcel" asked, confused.

Both Amanda and Milo exchanged confused glances. Why had they come here?

"I guess… Because we thought that it's customary to go to a restaurant on a date?", Amanda offered.

Milo shrugged.

"Well, who says you have to be customary?", Dakota started, wanting to help Milo and Amanda.

"What do you mean they don't have to be customary?! It says so in the book!", Cavendish said, holding a dating book that said in one of its pages "It is customary to go to a restaurant on the first date."

"Well, since when is customary a rule? We're not customary, sweetheart.", Dakota said, batting his eye lashes.

"That's different, honeybunny.", Cavendish replied.

Milo and Amanda really didn't know what to do. Sure, they had had some fun moments, but the date was constantly getting interrupted.

And then Zack started singing.

"Love me tender… Love me sweet…", Zack began to sing "Love Me Tender" in a perfect Elvis impression, only for Melissa to unplug his mic.

"Hey!", Zack shouted.

"No music! Just let them talk! They were doing fine before that!", Melissa said.

"Why do you get to choose?", Zack angrily retorted.

"Because you clearly know what you're doing!", Melissa shot back.

Meanwhile, "Marcel" tried to keep up with the other customers.

"Lydia! What's going on?", Melissa and Zack asked.

"I am not Lydia! I am Marcel! I must help all the customers! It's the only way I can help Amanda and Milo!", "Marcel" explained.

"Great, she's gone method. We've lost her.", Zack said.

Melissa and Zack went over to Milo and Amanda.

"Why aren't you doing anything? You need to be in each others arms and never let go!", Zack said.

"It's a first date! They need to take things slowly, and appreciate each other as friends first!", Melissa shouted.

"Guys, you're missing the point…", Dakota started, but Melissa and Zack didn't listen.

"What are you trying to do?", Zack asked.

"I'm trying to help my best friend!", Melissa answered angrily.

"I'm trying to too! But you're not letting me help!", Zack said.

"CARLA!", Bradley shouted in agony.

"Uh, guys? Why are you here?", Milo asked.

Amanda looked totally confused.

Melissa and Zack realized they had blown their cover.

Cavendish and Dakota realized they needed a distraction.

"OH NO! HE'S COMING OUT!", Cavendish shouted, and he fell on the floor.

"Someone get a medic! My husband is giving birth!", Dakota shouted, and he went over to Cavendish.

"Hold on, baby. Just hold on."

"I can feel him, Dakota… I can feel our child!", Cavendish said through grunts.

"Men can't give birth to children…", Amanda said, totally confused.

"Shh… This is the magic of childbirth…", "Marcel" said, only for his "moustache" to drop.

"Lydia?!", Amanda shouted.

"…Bonjour?", Lydia said sheepishly.

"What's going on here?", Amanda shouted.

"Yeah, guys, what are you doing? I know this date was a bit… Well, very awkward, but I don't see why you're all trying to help. Not that I don't appreciate it!", Milo said.

He did value his friends, but he felt this might be a bit much.

Suddenly, the kitchen exploded.

Sara and Doof came out, covered in food and soot.

"…Turns out that ovens aren't operated by TNT. Who knew?", Doof said.

"Honestly, it was my idea. Sorry.", Sara apologized.

As the dust settled, Melissa, Zack, Cavendish, Dakota, Doof and Sara all looked at each other.

Suddenly, Mr. Drako came in.

"I'm ready for my shift…"

He saw the state of the place.

"...IT'S CLEANING DAY! Yipee!", he said, and he started cleaning vigoursly.

Back to our heroes, they looked at each other.

They had all failed their friends.

Now it was time to make things right.

"Milo… Amanda…" they all started, Melissa leading.

"We're sorry. We just wanted to help. You were both so nervous and awkward, and we couldn't stand seeing you like that.", Melissa said, looking sadly at two people she valued so much.

"We just wanted to make your night perfect.", Zack said.

"To calm you down…", Cavendish and Dakota said.

"To be there for you…", Lydia said.

"To help you…", Sara continued.

"To make sure you'd be happy.", Melissa finished.

"But… I think I get what really went wrong.", Melissa suddenly said, her usual self coming back.

Milo and Amanda, who were touched by their friends efforts, if still a little depressed, blinked in confusion.

"You do?", Amanda and Milo asked, confused.

Melissa went forwards to them.

"Dakota seemed to understand this, and I think I got what he meant. Everyone has their own way of seeing love… I see it as an extention of friendship…"

"I see it as a giant display of affection…", Zack said.

"And so do I! Though even more dramatic!", Lydia chimed in.

"I see it as a quiet but intense partnership…", Cavendish said.

"And I see it as a more calm, gentle understanding of a partner…", Dakota continued.

"And we…", Sara and Doof started, but stopped.

"Actually, I suck at romance, don't ask me.", Doof said.

"Yeah, I'm still totally awkward with Neal, best not to ask me too.", Sara admitted.

Everyone laughed.

"Anyway… Love comes in many different forms and combinations. You just need to find yours! And many times tonight, you almost did! When you were yourselves! Don't listen to the convention! Don't listen to the other viewpoints! Find out what your love looks like!", Melissa said.

Milo and Amanda looked at each other.

Milo smiled.

Amanda smiled.

They held hands.

And walked out.

"I was finally able to help Milo…", Melissa thought in her head, a tear rolling down her cheek. "I'm so happy…"

Cavendish then took out the pickle with a beanie he had given birth to.

"You know, I still don't know how that happened a few minutes ago.", he said.

"I'm calling him Balthy Jr.", Dakota said.

* * *

In a pleasant park, a wise and loving moon shined brightly on two figures.

Milo and Amanda walked hand in hand in the park.

Laughter and merriment was shared as they exchanged stories and experiences.

There was no awkwardness.

There was no silence.

There was nothing but the joining of their two hearts.

They were themselves.

And that's what really mattered.

* * *

**Post Credit Scene 1:**

**(Still In The Milanda AU, after "The Perfectionist's First Kiss With The Jinx")**

Amanda, sitting in her bedroom, looked up to 3 figures.

"I've been making a lot of progress, but I still feel a little intimidated by the unpredictability factor. I want to be with Milo. I'm gonna need your help. Can you?", she pleaded.

"Can you help me deal with Murphy's Law?"

Out of the shadows, Melissa, Sara and Veronica appeared, looking badass.

"…Sure!", they said cheerfully.

**Coming In A Long Time To The Milanda AU:**

**Girls Night Out**

**(A Milanda AU Fanfic)**

**(Thanks for the idea, PhinFerbFan5!)**

**Post Credit Scene 2:**

**(We now return to your regularly scheduled TMMLWG AU…)**

A phone lies on a bed, a text from Melissa present on it's screen.

The text she sent when Milo was sick.

It was the next day.

She had packed everything.

She was ready to help him.

Whatever it takes, she'd make Milo feel better.

She was Amanda Lopez.

It's what she did.

"Milo…", Amanda said to herself as she looked at a picture of him.

"…I'm coming."

**(Coming In A Long Time To The Milo Murphy's Law Wiki Guy AU:**

**Illness: The Next Day**

**(A Milo and Amanda friendship story)**


End file.
